Will He Marry Her?

one of my favorite movies is a Christian film called Old Fashioned;written, and directed by Rick

 Swartzwelder, he was also the main character and totally handsome. If you haven't seen it, without

 spoiling it, the main character is a reformed Christian, having abandoned his wild ways; now has rules for

 himself to stay in check. It wasn't until recently when I ran into a young fella at the grocery store buying

 flowers for his girlfriend... "just because" did i understand the point. Dating teaches couples how to be 

good at dating. It in no way prepares you for the future, marrige or the changes that come with it. It is not 

the rule but the exception that picks up flowers ..... because. After you settle into marriage and the mystery 

has worn off, and it will! Regular life doesn't give you butterflies and tingles, at leeast not in the same 

way. It's not that the romance is gone, it just becomes more comfortable and changes. I cannot speak for 

anyone else, but when my husband cleans the kitchen or takes it upon himself to vacuum, I find that a 

romantic gesture. Sitting together in the evening with good music and a glass of wine beats a bar any 

day, even on Disco-hell night. There is a comfortable companionship that we share that was tingly and 

exciting when we were getting to know each other. Now, it makes me smile with ease and happiness, 

especially when one of "my songs" is playing. So, will he ask? Probably ,but don't rush. Take your time 

and enjoy being you before you rush to the altar. And know that your relationship changes 

immediately...in na bad way, just changes. Be prepared.

Dieting Forever

This morning with my coffee, i absentmindedly turned on an old episode of Friends. For those pf us, once skinny girls who are atill carrying arounf the after-effects of childbirth. This show is like a lemon in a paper cut. But today, while Chandler's tall girlfriend with perfect srms and a Scarlett O'Hara waist stood there. i was eating my diet breakfast and black coffee....yek, i relized that I am not chasing an adult thin nody, but the body of youth. Those arms and protrudung pelvic bones are really a natural look of youth, early twenties, pre-marriage, no children. So, i have to think, am i killing myself for something i have had and will never get back. Don't get me wrong. i have seen the lasdies that have a daughter's esdding coming up and hitthe gym;lose body mass, sport sleeveless shirts with her toned arms, and short swing dresses. i am not one of them and it is still not the body I have been chasing for eighteen years. My body has been through a lot to be sitting here today writing. I also work hard to love me as I am, because i am beautifully and wondserfully made...but I wasn't made like this it is more of a becoming. Still, the fact that this body is still wrking is a complete miracle. i havev put it through stage V cancer, two high risk pregnancies (one with twins), a severe stroke, and years of being autoimmune compromised. scleroderma/lupus. it is time that i embrace who and what I am. A fifty year old with three teenagers. i will continue to try an improve myself just not to look like a kid again.Now, i will shoot to lok like a fit me. Comparing myself to other people is not working for me. ***disclaimer*** I can onky type with one hand and tend to havetypos.

The Downfall of Intelligence

I  can already hear the boos if anyone ever reads this...The biggest mistake that I/we made with our boys was getting them cell phones in middle school...We thought waiting until they were 13 was a big deal...
I can remember my niece coming over to visit and help with the babies but the entire time,  every few seconds,ding. click, click, click.giggle, ding. Really? I would say... put that thing away!!

Fast forward to our teen years and now there are earbuds to boot! I detest seeing kids walking around with earbuds in or dangling around their necks... What"s worse, is now there aren't even wires and you talk to them for 5 minutes before you realize you have wasted your breath and you will never get those minutes of your life back.

We have really tried to make the best of this coronavirus  business and are eating together every night then watching a movie together. Good movies. I have had to collect cell phones. They are playing games and sending snap streaks.... which I now know are the stupidest things ever. My sister has decided to send me streaks and everyday sends me a snap of her leg, the fish hanging in the wall or the ceiling all with a hand drawn  S at the top...geesch!

I promise my gifted twins  have lost IQ points since getting a phone. One twin stays up all night now and is sleeping all day.  One kid leaves the house after lock up and can get a ride with the click of a few buttons.... and hes gone.   here is a big but to my arguement. I can get in touch with him. while he's out.

Still, I believe cellphones are making today's kids stupid, and it is bad for the world.  end rant.

Thoughts on Corona-cation

I really didn't think much about Covid-19 until about 2 weeks ago when a family friend and doctor messaged my husband to make sure he had a plan for me should I or one of the kids get sick. "I am immuno-deficient. Scleroderma/Lupus since 19 years old. So since that text, I have been on lock-down at home. Permitted only to go visit my parents also locked in at home. My house from here on out, is not the hangout!!!

The boys are harder to lock down. They have hung out with a few friends in the neighborhood in the front yard. Then they try to stay 6 feet away from me, bathe, It is a struggle when other aren't as concerned. Truthfully, if you are a healthy person and contract the disease, you should recover fine. but for those like me who have to be extra careful, must have their kids be extra c  areful too....no criticism to anyone is intended. Containing my oldest has been alost impossible. He oes fishing. Picks up food and sits in the car with friends to eat and talk...I do try to stay 6 feet from him since he won't listen... but its hard. I like a big hug from my kids everyday!

homeschooling 14 & 16 year olds has been ok. They get up work on the computer, finish their work and then are free to clean something if they are bored, They are all already autonomous learners. My students used to love computer days when they had more autonomy. I also felt those days would help prepare the kids for middle school, which i truly believe it did.if you are homeschooling little ones or the first time,  don't fr tget to take brain breaks Try GoNoodle... its on youtube  i think.

I need to move more. My hobbies include blogging, painting, netflix binging, and reading... all things done whjle sitting in your butt.....not good

Well, i am going to paint... happy wishes of good health and sanity! until next time... goodbye and stay well

Welll, What should I Do?

Last year, almost exactly a year ago, about  45v minutes after arriving home from work, I teach fifth grade. I suffered a massive , right, temporal stroke at 45 years old. It wasashock to us all! I have brief snippets of what I remember, or think I remember.But the next 3-5 days were spent in the ICU with friends and family conning to check on me. I was paralyzed on my left side and had left side neglect .. if you stood on the left sid e of my bed, I could not see you sad barely hear you. I remember being agitated ut my mother assured me tharsomeone had called the school and a sub would be found for my class, oh shoot, id left my desk messy! and had brought everything home with me. when can I go back, I wanted to know.."Probably never, the dr said.:WHAT????I was having a really bad day< and now they want me to stand on my leg that I cannot feel, much less move!

I have been in extensive therapy since that night. Two or three weeks int my hospital stay, they transported me to a rehabilitation hospital.I really wanted to go home t my twin 6th graders and my 8th graders   who I knew had been with me throughout the stroke at home, oh lawd, what did he see? 

the news is good, I lived through the night; and I =can see, walk, talk and move my left arm although my hand doesn't work and both arm and hand have no function. I am slow and I know it. I move clumsily and slowly, but I got my driver's license back in late June, 9 months later.


I Haven't returned to work though. although I am doing very well. I have not finished healing and I am still in therapy.

So, in August when every one that I know was going back to school, 
I was home. There was no classroom to decorate, no class list for me, I have not felt this purposeless in a Long, long tine. But I have purpose! Teach, yes, but always mother first..
The boys don't seem to need much from me other than a ride and money. So this stay at hone mom stuff when no one is home STINKS. I find myself checking the clock and thinking, math just ended....oh geez, I need to sit-down.If I thought I could make it through the day, I would go back.I miss the kids and my teacher friends, interaction with people.. I taught at one school for 18 years!!! Now, I feel like I need to start over somewhere else if I go back,because I am not the same and never will be.  so what do I do?