Talk Books With Tara

The Book Boyfriend

     It wasn't until the novel The novel  Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer, arrived on the book shelves do I remember such a 'to do ' about book characters. But, hey, everyone picked a team...were you Team Edward or team Jacob? The book boyfriend became a real thing. I recall sitting Wirth a group go moms, all of us at the soccer field to watch our boys play, all with our copy of Twilight just in case there were a few dead minutes we could get in a few pages. Again, my entry flashes to a husband, nearby asking John if he had lost me to Edward also. John just laughed but noticed more when and how much I read. There was an interview online, because, yes, I sucked up all written and verbal opinions and interviews online about the book and it's fantastical ( Ramona's word) characters. I cannot quote accurately due to the time that has past since I encountered, said art5icle. Still, /I recall the author saying, and I paraphrase

"young girls all are loving Edward because they hope such a man exists. The housewives love him because they are positive no such man exists." thus, the book befriend became real.  Fastf forwaed to the awkward but epic movies that followed. The book boyfriend suddenly had a face, mannerisms, and ab muscles.

Who knows, really.  Readers could have had the. same reaction to Rhett Butler, in 1936, but  I doubt it.For reals, Clark Gale was a rather handsome fella for his time, but he was no Edward Cullen.

Speaking f picking teams,  It Is Just Not Summer without You,/The Summer  I Turned Pretty. The books are every bit as good as the series. Btw, I am Team Conrad. It's always been Conrad for me.

Truthfully, I am a romance novel kind'a gal. Historical, Christian Historical, Dystopian, Fantadsy, I prefer clean books to spicy.

But, let's face it sometimes you don't realize a book has spice until you are staring at it.  

Such as one of my favorite novel series, the Fourth Wing series. Fourth Wing  and Iron Flame both, are fantastic reads, but beyond spicy. They are downright dirty. Yet, I live for the release of each new novel and include Xaden Riorsen as a true book boyfriend. You just cannot get enough of his sweet, protective, (yes, spicy), slightly controlling...talk about abs,  self.  YIKES! Being a fan of dragons, the thought  and descriptions provided by Rebecca Yarros are next level. I cannot wait for this series to hit Prime Video. I anxiously await, and stalk the fan-made clips on TikTok.

Which segues perfectly into my next series.  The Off Campus series. I accidentally stumbled upon these truly romantic, slightly spicy novels when my Hockey Romance obsession became real. Elle Kennedy brings not one, but at least fur perfectly, perfect book boyfriends to life. if you have seen the series on Prime, you already have Garrett Graham on the brain, which led me to write this blog post, in the first place.  She also offers up John Logan, John Tucker, and Dean Di Lsurentos,  

DISCLAIMER*** 1)I type one handed due to stroke , so bear wth me I am doing my best. 2) I don't know how to make this double space and it doesn't have times roman.3) All nice feedback is welcome. if you are rude or a hate, find somewhere else to play... there were more but I' have forgotten them right now.

Talking But none Hears Me

 

i have a point and purpose,

in all that I  say and do,

Whether or not you realize,

It matters wha`t I say and do,

My message has a purpose, i don't talk out  `Of unprofitable vain

Even though the  reception from you is always the same.

i learned life the hard way, the results are all my own,

That diean;t meantour results won'y hit untiul you are grow,

There is no escaping genetics, your future is surely passed down,

If only you would listen, i can maybe lessen the effect and the drowning in,

discomfort, pain, and self -blame. knowing that listrwning comes from kowing that listening ciyuld hsave lessened the claim,

that rhis has on your body, your life, 

your future, yur spouse, and eventually your wife.

love,

your Mom

Up in my Feels... Again

     Well,  It is Master’s week again. My least favorite week of the year.

I stay home, John goes to the course, at least I used to stay home with the kids… They're all grown men now and live away.. Perhaps I will read another book, work on my tan. Feed my gummy bear habit.. I only share this information because
I am confident that no one ever reads what I write on here., except occasionally James…..Hi James!

A memory popped up on my FB feed of a post I wrote about wanting to do better about being in touch with my old friends after William died.  I recently ran into an old friend and I realized I haven’t done any better at  staying in touch with old friends and people  who have a special place in my heart.

I really hate when I get up in my feels!   But the twins leave again tomorrow, It’s always an “ick” day right before they leave again.   I miss my babies!
I’d give anything to have them back., i know they are exactly where they should be doing what comes next for them , and are living their best lives. My heart still hurts.

So, back to the original topic, if we were good friends and lost touch, I am thinking about you and wishing you well;;. Hell, maybe one day we will actually have an ARC  c/o 990  class reunion…. But probably we won’t. I hope we have one before I die!

Besides, we all know I'm the next to go!

The Pity Party was Today

          I wonder why when I am knee deep in busy and  exhausted, I am having the best time of

 my life.The slow pace of life that I’ve found myself in these days is horribly unsatisfying and, 

scary. The quiet  surrounds me like a grave and my busy brain reaches to places it has never 

traveled; and doesn’t need to now. Filling my time is stressful. I  no longer feel I have a place 

 in this world; i no longer fit. My puzzle, which has been vibrant, and perfect for many

 years, has lost essential pieces that make my world complete.

        I am a survivor, of many things, but I do not feel strong right now. i know it will return, 

because The Lord(God) is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble. 

With God, nothing is impossible. I feel confidently that this is just one more thing to survive.

       Being am avid watcher of college football, i hear and. Despise  the word adversity a lot. 

To quote my son at seven years old, “Geesch, they think that is diversity? Diversity is. When 

you are stuck under a rock and have to chew our own eg off to get free.” I feel in touch 

recently with his definition of adversity.

          Normally, i don’t allow a pity party for myself , but today i was n pain and succumbed 

to it . Don’t judge me too harshly for it.

 Pity Party for Tara:

 Table of one.

 

The End of Buzz Lightyear

 

    Last night, my oldest son, invited me to watch Lightyear with him. when it premiered in

the theater, I expressed to him, my desire to watch that only with him. With three boys, 

superheroes were big at my house; most came and went. John stayed loyal to Buzz. We had

 big Buzz, red Buzz, blue Buzz, whatever new Buzz was on the shelf, eventually came to

 live at The Salley House; each loved fiercely.  One evening at Publix, John sitting proudly

 in the cart, the twins "driving in the bottom car cart:", A woman

 stopped me and asked in a snarky voice, why my son was wearing his costume

 in public. "He believes he is Buzz  Lightyear", I replied as if it was obvious; in a

 tone to  end the conversation. John sat, oblivious shooting people with his 

pretend arm laser shew, shew, shew. 

 Most people smiling at his innocent play.  The next time we shopped I

 let him wear his blow up Buzz wings. 

Buzz and the Toy Story movies stayed family favorites well into elementary school, and the

 family went together when Toy Story 3 hit the theater. I cried as

 Andy said goodbye and left for college.

 Little did I know how painful his growing up would actually become. Never,

 did I think my Buzz Lightyear would struggle with addiction and try to quit high school,

 Shout "fuck you" or "I hate you; you make life miserable".

 He was my little buddy, my first baby. He made me a mother, we were close. He confided.

 in me and stalled at  bedtime every night with one more thing to tell me. At 15, I knew my little Buzz was slipping away. It wasn't until last night, watching Lightyear on the 

6-foot beanbag in his room, plus girlfriend that I knew in my heart, Buzz was

 gone forever. 

And my heart broke.

He turns 19 in 6 hours.

Happy Birthday  My Buzz! Love, Mom. 2023

The Things That No one Saw

I type with one hand forgive my typos!!  I found this today in my blog accout and decided to finally publish it. I feel that my stroke, six years ago , was on display for everyone to see. It felt very public, as if I was being watched for entertainment similar to watching the flakes fall in a snowglobe without a lot of protection for my privacy. They saw me survive and thought, she didn't die and got to go home. She's fine. Or worse, said, " well at least you can... or at least you have...at least you are here" DON'T SAY THAT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN TO HELL AND YOU HAD NO IDEA! What no one saw was me trying to touch my nose for hours daily or the long hours of learrning to walk and talk again. Being told I will never work, drive, or be the same again. It is all very threatening. No one saw the torment of losing my job, of leaving my school kids that were counting on me or saw the hurt to my boys who were counting on me, the ones that I let down.

          I was left behind because no one knew quite what to say. They put me out of mind, beacuse I was out of sight. No one saw the mornings that I waited in bed until John could get me to the bathroom after waking and feeding the boys, and I'd lie still, afraid to move. Or when he would drop me off at the new rehab which petrified me and I would cry every morning. The hours that I walked around the block when I finally could, until I would exhaust myself, or tried to teach myself to run because my brain didn't know how much I hated it! No one saw the years that I ugly cried all day every day because I was trapped inside a body that wouldn't work, with a mind that was jumbled and confused. I sobbed for two years in front of my boys, sisters, parents, friends, without ceasing. The terror that came home with me was just for us. No one saw the trauma that affected my sons who witnessed me struggle and fight through the confusion of what was happening to me. No one saw that I could find NO JOY no matter how hard I tried. Only the boys and John knew the person who came home was not the same person who left that night, or how it affected these most wonderful, beautiful boys of mine... all four! My sisters & Jay knew that I wasn't the same and every now and then they would see me and say so. It was so great when someone could find me trapped in all of that garbledy-gook! 

      No one saw that I couldn't tell reality from imagination. I was so anxious that Charlie would tell me what was real and not real every day. It was a lot to put on a 12 year old, but he wanted to"step up" and be strong, and he has been. My boys are true citizens, taking care of others! No one saw the aftermath of what that one night in our lives caused. How the one boy struggled with PTSD from that night for years or how the other boys felt the responsibility to make everyone ok and happy, Taking upon their small shoulders a burden that was too large to carry. I wanted to handle my circumstances with grace. I failed miserably. The damage to the brain was too great to be able to just be better and move on. STROKE NEVER GOES AWAY!   No one also saw the nights that I would pour over an algebra book pushing to figure out those equations, or the notebooks that I would write and doodle in for hours sometimes copying the dialog of a tv show so I could read back over it and follow the plot. How I picked back up my paintbrush and painted away the anxiety. All the while healing my brain.

These Are A Few of My favorite Things

Anyone that knows me well, can tell you that I love the following things: 1. Mu husbsand 2. my sisters and brother 2. New Sharpie Matrkers.. all colors 2. eye shadow 3. church choir singing 4. singing in a microphone 5. 80's music 6. Athens, GA 7. Salley boys 8. my home 9. praise music 9. oysters 10. dirty martinis 11. the color pink 12. 1 direction 13. Duran Duran