Dieting Forever

This morning with my coffee, i absentmindedly turned on an old episode of Friends. For those pf us, once skinny girls who are atill carrying arounf the after-effects of childbirth. This show is like a lemon in a paper cut. But today, while Chandler's tall girlfriend with perfect srms and a Scarlett O'Hara waist stood there. i was eating my diet breakfast and black coffee....yek, i relized that I am not chasing an adult thin nody, but the body of youth. Those arms and protrudung pelvic bones are really a natural look of youth, early twenties, pre-marriage, no children. So, i have to think, am i killing myself for something i have had and will never get back. Don't get me wrong. i have seen the lasdies that have a daughter's esdding coming up and hitthe gym;lose body mass, sport sleeveless shirts with her toned arms, and short swing dresses. i am not one of them and it is still not the body I have been chasing for eighteen years. My body has been through a lot to be sitting here today writing. I also work hard to love me as I am, because i am beautifully and wondserfully made...but I wasn't made like this it is more of a becoming. Still, the fact that this body is still wrking is a complete miracle. i havev put it through stage V cancer, two high risk pregnancies (one with twins), a severe stroke, and years of being autoimmune compromised. scleroderma/lupus. it is time that i embrace who and what I am. A fifty year old with three teenagers. i will continue to try an improve myself just not to look like a kid again.Now, i will shoot to lok like a fit me. Comparing myself to other people is not working for me. ***disclaimer*** I can onky type with one hand and tend to havetypos.