Just Not Feeling It?

 

If there is a loss of connection in your relationship, take a look sat what your wife is watching or reading. I guarantee there is a wish in there.

According to Refinery29,"Our preference for imaginary characters can often be because we feel safer focusing our energy on them."

Safety is key in relationships regardless of if they are new relationships oreternal ones. It is strange to think you may choose someone who makes you feel safe ,and you love madly that they may not feel assume twenty years later. what causes that, people change and relationships evolve. The real question is what are you going to do about it? "OH, I am leaving!" that is a quick fix and a good way to end up. back in the exact same position again.My suggestion, check out the following website:

https://connectusfund.org/ 

This prayer site has helped me pray for marriage restoration, when I couldn't find my own words. Honestly, it has prayers for whatever you need. I have it book marked. and use it regularly! 

I hope it helps you too.

until next time

XOXO

Tara's Still Talking Books

 These Are A Few  of My Favorite Series

Looking for clean, closed door, True romance? Check out the Seddledown series by  Callie Mae Shaw, formerly Susan Henshaw.If you meet the Dupree Family in Seddledown, VA. you will never want to  leave. The Dupree men were brought up right. The Dupree's don't lie, rarely cuss, attend church, their hook-ups are the "eternal kind".These men are funny, and loving iHolden, Ashton, and Ford.Their family tree is at the beginning of each book so you can keep up with the second generation. And if you think the first generation of Dupree men are swoon-worthy,   meet the second generation. Just you wait! Liam, Bowen, Cash, and my personal favorite Griffin are yet to come. Like all large families, they have their share of trauma and tragedy, but mostly they are just good, clean fun. 

The author  compares  the spice in her books to the same closed door spice of Twilight. The series will "get you up in your feels" to quote my son. I recently re-read Far From Home. in the span of this one book, 'I laughed out loud, held my breath, swooned, and cried. 

My favorites:It Was Nothing (Ford's story), All to Pieces (Anna), Far from Home(Griffin), Sing Me Home(cash and Charlie). 

The author , Callie Mae, has an Etsy store where you can purchase signed copies. You can follow and interact with her on Instagram.

Swoon-worthy Hockey Hunks who are respectful and Fun

Moving on to my new obsession of themes, hockey rom-coms. If you like those, closed door, of course, Try reading Ellie Hall and Jenny Proctor's Appies Hockey Series. They are a fictional AHL hockey team on TikTok, like the Savannah Bananas.  Each team member has a book and they overlap too you continue to see your favorite characters overhand over again.  I am not quite sure why  Hall and Proctor share this series but they are equally written ad I enjoy ne as much as the other.

If you ever want to talk books, DM me on FB or Insta.

I read a lot and more genres than those listed here. 

until Next time,

XOXO

Talk Books With Tara

The Book Boyfriend

     It wasn't until the novel The novel  Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer, arrived on the book shelves do I remember such a 'to do ' about book characters. But, hey, everyone picked a team...were you Team Edward or team Jacob? The book boyfriend became a real thing. I recall sitting Wirth a group go moms, all of us at the soccer field to watch our boys play, all with our copy of Twilight just in case there were a few dead minutes we could get in a few pages. Again, my entry flashes to a husband, nearby asking John if he had lost me to Edward also. John just laughed but noticed more when and how much I read. There was an interview online, because, yes, I sucked up all written and verbal opinions and interviews online about the book and it's fantastical ( Ramona's word) characters. I cannot quote accurately due to the time that has past since I encountered, said art5icle. Still, /I recall the author saying, and I paraphrase

"young girls all are loving Edward because they hope such a man exists. The housewives love him because they are positive no such man exists." thus, the book befriend became real.  Fastf forwaed to the awkward but epic movies that followed. The book boyfriend suddenly had a face, mannerisms, and ab muscles.

Who knows, really.  Readers could have had the. same reaction to Rhett Butler, in 1936, but  I doubt it.For reals, Clark Gale was a rather handsome fella for his time, but he was no Edward Cullen.

Speaking f picking teams,  It Is Just Not Summer without You,/The Summer  I Turned Pretty. The books are every bit as good as the series. Btw, I am Team Conrad. It's always been Conrad for me.

Truthfully, I am a romance novel kind'a gal. Historical, Christian Historical, Dystopian, Fantadsy, I prefer clean books to spicy.

But, let's face it sometimes you don't realize a book has spice until you are staring at it.  

Such as one of my favorite novel series, the Fourth Wing series. Fourth Wing  and Iron Flame both, are fantastic reads, but beyond spicy. They are downright dirty. Yet, I live for the release of each new novel and include Xaden Riorsen as a true book boyfriend. You just cannot get enough of his sweet, protective, (yes, spicy), slightly controlling...talk about abs,  self.  YIKES! Being a fan of dragons, the thought  and descriptions provided by Rebecca Yarros are next level. I cannot wait for this series to hit Prime Video. I anxiously await, and stalk the fan-made clips on TikTok.

Which segues perfectly into my next series.  The Off Campus series. I accidentally stumbled upon these truly romantic, slightly spicy novels when my Hockey Romance obsession became real. Elle Kennedy brings not one, but at least fur perfectly, perfect book boyfriends to life. if you have seen the series on Prime, you already have Garrett Graham on the brain, which led me to write this blog post, in the first place.  She also offers up John Logan, John Tucker, and Dean Di Lsurentis,  

Until next time, 

XOXO

DISCLAIMER*** 1)I type one handed due to stroke , so bear wth me I am doing my best. 2) I don't know how to make this double space and it doesn't have times roman.3) All nice feedback is welcome. if you are rude or a hate, find somewhere else to play... there were more but I' have forgotten them right now.

Talking But none Hears Me

 

i have a point and purpose,

in all that I  say and do,

Whether or not you realize,

It matters wha`t I say and do,

My message has a purpose, i don't talk out  `Of unprofitable vain

Even though the  reception from you is always the same.

i learned life the hard way, the results are all my own,

That diean;t meantour results won'y hit untiul you are grow,

There is no escaping genetics, your future is surely passed down,

If only you would listen, i can maybe lessen the effect and the drowning in,

discomfort, pain, and self -blame. knowing that listrwning comes from kowing that listening ciyuld hsave lessened the claim,

that rhis has on your body, your life, 

your future, yur spouse, and eventually your wife.

love,

your Mom

Up in my Feels... Again

     Well,  It is Master’s week again. My least favorite week of the year.

I stay home, John goes to the course, at least I used to stay home with the kids… They're all grown men now and live away.. Perhaps I will read another book, work on my tan. Feed my gummy bear habit.. I only share this information because
I am confident that no one ever reads what I write on here., except occasionally James…..Hi James!

A memory popped up on my FB feed of a post I wrote about wanting to do better about being in touch with my old friends after William died.  I recently ran into an old friend and I realized I haven’t done any better at  staying in touch with old friends and people  who have a special place in my heart.

I really hate when I get up in my feels!   But the twins leave again tomorrow, It’s always an “ick” day right before they leave again.   I miss my babies!
I’d give anything to have them back., i know they are exactly where they should be doing what comes next for them , and are living their best lives. My heart still hurts.

So, back to the original topic, if we were good friends and lost touch, I am thinking about you and wishing you well;;. Hell, maybe one day we will actually have an ARC  c/o 990  class reunion…. But probably we won’t. I hope we have one before I die!

Besides, we all know I'm the next to go!

The Pity Party was Today

          I wonder why when I am knee deep in busy and  exhausted, I am having the best time of

 my life.The slow pace of life that I’ve found myself in these days is horribly unsatisfying and, 

scary. The quiet  surrounds me like a grave and my busy brain reaches to places it has never 

traveled; and doesn’t need to now. Filling my time is stressful. I  no longer feel I have a place 

 in this world; i no longer fit. My puzzle, which has been vibrant, and perfect for many

 years, has lost essential pieces that make my world complete.

        I am a survivor, of many things, but I do not feel strong right now. i know it will return, 

because The Lord(God) is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble. 

With God, nothing is impossible. I feel confidently that this is just one more thing to survive.

       Being am avid watcher of college football, i hear and. Despise  the word adversity a lot. 

To quote my son at seven years old, “Geesch, they think that is diversity? Diversity is. When 

you are stuck under a rock and have to chew our own eg off to get free.” I feel in touch 

recently with his definition of adversity.

          Normally, i don’t allow a pity party for myself , but today i was n pain and succumbed 

to it . Don’t judge me too harshly for it.

 Pity Party for Tara:

 Table of one.

 

The End of Buzz Lightyear

 

    Last night, my oldest son, invited me to watch Lightyear with him. when it premiered in

the theater, I expressed to him, my desire to watch that only with him. With three boys, 

superheroes were big at my house; most came and went. John stayed loyal to Buzz. We had

 big Buzz, red Buzz, blue Buzz, whatever new Buzz was on the shelf, eventually came to

 live at The Salley House; each loved fiercely.  One evening at Publix, John sitting proudly

 in the cart, the twins "driving in the bottom car cart:", A woman

 stopped me and asked in a snarky voice, why my son was wearing his costume

 in public. "He believes he is Buzz  Lightyear", I replied as if it was obvious; in a

 tone to  end the conversation. John sat, oblivious shooting people with his 

pretend arm laser shew, shew, shew. 

 Most people smiling at his innocent play.  The next time we shopped I

 let him wear his blow up Buzz wings. 

Buzz and the Toy Story movies stayed family favorites well into elementary school, and the

 family went together when Toy Story 3 hit the theater. I cried as

 Andy said goodbye and left for college.

 Little did I know how painful his growing up would actually become. Never,

 did I think my Buzz Lightyear would struggle with addiction and try to quit high school,

 Shout "fuck you" or "I hate you; you make life miserable".

 He was my little buddy, my first baby. He made me a mother, we were close. He confided.

 in me and stalled at  bedtime every night with one more thing to tell me. At 15, I knew my little Buzz was slipping away. It wasn't until last night, watching Lightyear on the 

6-foot beanbag in his room, plus girlfriend that I knew in my heart, Buzz was

 gone forever. 

And my heart broke.

He turns 19 in 6 hours.

Happy Birthday  My Buzz! Love, Mom. 2023

The Things That No one Saw

I type with one hand forgive my typos!!  I found this today in my blog accout and decided to finally publish it. I feel that my stroke, six years ago , was on display for everyone to see. It felt very public, as if I was being watched for entertainment similar to watching the flakes fall in a snowglobe without a lot of protection for my privacy. They saw me survive and thought, she didn't die and got to go home. She's fine. Or worse, said, " well at least you can... or at least you have...at least you are here" DON'T SAY THAT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN TO HELL AND YOU HAD NO IDEA! What no one saw was me trying to touch my nose for hours daily or the long hours of learrning to walk and talk again. Being told I will never work, drive, or be the same again. It is all very threatening. No one saw the torment of losing my job, of leaving my school kids that were counting on me or saw the hurt to my boys who were counting on me, the ones that I let down.

          I was left behind because no one knew quite what to say. They put me out of mind, beacuse I was out of sight. No one saw the mornings that I waited in bed until John could get me to the bathroom after waking and feeding the boys, and I'd lie still, afraid to move. Or when he would drop me off at the new rehab which petrified me and I would cry every morning. The hours that I walked around the block when I finally could, until I would exhaust myself, or tried to teach myself to run because my brain didn't know how much I hated it! No one saw the years that I ugly cried all day every day because I was trapped inside a body that wouldn't work, with a mind that was jumbled and confused. I sobbed for two years in front of my boys, sisters, parents, friends, without ceasing. The terror that came home with me was just for us. No one saw the trauma that affected my sons who witnessed me struggle and fight through the confusion of what was happening to me. No one saw that I could find NO JOY no matter how hard I tried. Only the boys and John knew the person who came home was not the same person who left that night, or how it affected these most wonderful, beautiful boys of mine... all four! My sisters & Jay knew that I wasn't the same and every now and then they would see me and say so. It was so great when someone could find me trapped in all of that garbledy-gook! 

      No one saw that I couldn't tell reality from imagination. I was so anxious that Charlie would tell me what was real and not real every day. It was a lot to put on a 12 year old, but he wanted to"step up" and be strong, and he has been. My boys are true citizens, taking care of others! No one saw the aftermath of what that one night in our lives caused. How the one boy struggled with PTSD from that night for years or how the other boys felt the responsibility to make everyone ok and happy, Taking upon their small shoulders a burden that was too large to carry. I wanted to handle my circumstances with grace. I failed miserably. The damage to the brain was too great to be able to just be better and move on. STROKE NEVER GOES AWAY!   No one also saw the nights that I would pour over an algebra book pushing to figure out those equations, or the notebooks that I would write and doodle in for hours sometimes copying the dialog of a tv show so I could read back over it and follow the plot. How I picked back up my paintbrush and painted away the anxiety. All the while healing my brain.

These Are A Few of My favorite Things

Anyone that knows me well, can tell you that I love the following things: 1. Mu husbsand 2. my sisters and brother 2. New Sharpie Matrkers.. all colors 2. eye shadow 3. church choir singing 4. singing in a microphone 5. 80's music 6. Athens, GA 7. Salley boys 8. my home 9. praise music 9. oysters 10. dirty martinis 11. the color pink 12. 1 direction 13. Duran Duran

It Has Been Five Years:

It hasbeen five years now since my life was permanently altered and turned upside down. Unexpectedly, after a full day of work, I came home and 20 minutes later to suffer a massive stroke in the shower. Thankfully, my husband was near eniugh t hear me fall and knew enugh to call 911 immediately. I was pulled out of te shower, tossed on the bed and covered up nwhile we waited for the EMT's to arrive.My 14 year old son sat with me trying ti hld me still, after e got his tw younger brothers out of the house. I am told I was thrashing around andfighting the EMT's.For that reason, I was strapped down, it was a god thing too since thr stretcher hit every wall and vorner on the way out. I was freezing and st hoolding onto my son, s he walked m all the way to the ambulance. i was taken to the wrong hospital but twas hankfully administered CPA upon arrval; to dissove the clot. Strangely, i could hear what was hapening around me but could not react or respond. Although I didn't know that until much later.I truly thought everyone could hear what I wa screaming, but it was only in my head. Later I would mention the things tht I had said, only t be told I could not tal at all or respond. "was it al in my head"?To quote Albus Dumbledore, "Just because it happened in your head doesn't mean it wasn't real". i was kept in the ICU and allowed visitors and my room, while i remained strapped down to the bed.My room was packed. Wellwishers came to check on John and see how we were fairing. Sady, many, ant people saw me in such a poor state!There was an intubation tube that was too arge for my throat so i was having dificulty swallowing around it and I could not tal to tell anyone. i tried using sign language and almost earned myself a trip ti the psych ward, until my father remembered, i knew how to talk with my hands...crickets. So they tried having me write.Now keep in miund, I was alled a vegetable just the night before, snd now they want me to write?!? Who is the brain damaged you ask? Not Bonnie, my sister. she wuivkly found a pad of papr and loaded t with letters like a keyboard. i could tap out my requests thar way... Vegetable, my foot! Since i was making so much progress , I was moved to a real room and was assigned a physical therapist to het me up and n a walker. i have a fewc vbideos of ythis. They are quite pitiful and i am told remarkable. i still was strugglng with my left side paralysisbut could now respond if you spoke to me from the right side of my body. From here I would be moved to Walton Rehabiitation Hospital. Thry transported me by ambulance so i was back on the stretcher Walton was a whirlwind of activity.craig waswheeling me through the halls when I heardva familiar voice. I looked up snd it was Gena!!I had a daily schedule starting at 7:00 am. to begin my ADLs, Activities of Daily Living. wash my face, do my hair, brush my teeth, and Everyone eats breakfast! My caloric intake was increased, to my dismay and my increasing waistline. "We are going to put ten ounds on you", the doctors said. "Calories heal the brain" I was ntroduced to my roommate. She wasa character. I cannot remember her name. I called her crunchy because she would rattle chip bags in the middle of the night, frequently.Upon our meeting, and the staff leaving the room, se informed me quickly that she was leaving soon, ripped off he shirt transferrred to her wheel chair and started to push her way outofthe room, slamming into my bed a few times before evexiting. i began then counting down the days until she checked out andd I was by myself. `She liked Law & order SUV and the Menendez murderspecial was being aired. Sure as can be, it was on in our room all night for days,really loudly. our family wasamazing, Alice would come before work to hejo me with my ADLs, Will was drivung the boys to school every morning and did untilI could drive again.Anna cameregularlu with a Chia tea Latte.Friends andvformer students vsited me. I stried to focus on my tasks and workouts. it only took a 10-15vminutework out to put me bacj in the bedfor a nap. I was exhausted! i couldn' imagine how I was going to get through the day at school when I got home! I had no idea that I would never be going back to work. Or,that I wouldd be getting a newcroommate. When they brought her in my drape was drawn and i lied as quietly asI could and cried. We turned out to be soul sisters!God was good! I stayed there, wth no phone or way to communicate with the outside world.I felt like i had checked into the Hotel California. I could go out whenever I wanted but I could never leave. I was missing my oldest boys entire football season and ony kept up with bthe games duev to th fact that my doctors son was on the same team. he promised he would have me out by the last game; and i held him to it!So, on october 12, not nealy ready to leave te hospital, i was picked up, clapped out and taken home for a night.I did go to that football game though. in the hot sun, in my wheel chair. I was relentless. I was also pput bak into physical rehab the very next day. i coud not stay by myselfand needed someone to babysit me and I needed more therapy. Thus, i was dropped of every morning at Neuro Restorative for dy therapy. I worked with Marty, Rebecca, and Tonya for a year.They made me go to the cold Crock pool but they also took me to golf, which agter crying anf almost calling in sick, i absolutely loved.i met some amazing people too, a different Marty, Nick, jenn, Ricky and John and the adapted gof program at Wedges ans Woods, I cannot say enuigh god things about it! It made a huge difference in ny life!i continued to go to go to once a aweek unril stupid COVID locked the world down,After N.R.Nut umtil then anna and I went to lunch together every Friday. I wassent to AU. i joined Katie's Pool at te Y. This totally changed my life. Claudia and the therapists really helped me change and grow stronge, still I cried. in public, in private, from morning until I fell asleep again. I don't mean boohoohoo.I was wailing and just carrying n as my grandmother woud say. I cried at church, in front f my children, out of town and in every situation yuo could imagine, i cried.I was unsoothable. I went to the pool every other day when i could find a ride. I also had to have help dressing, either John would take me and help,my mom, sometimesmy friend Sterling came with me, or my new friend Shirley would help me. God put so many new and amazing people in my life through this whole ordeal. Rudy. Mike, Charlie I COULD NOT DRIVE! for a least two years. Then on a trip to Atlanta, I got the call there was an opening in Marietta for an adapted driving test.My parents and son took me over, dropped me off.I passed the written test, and went out for the driving portion at 5:00 traffic and the sky fell torrential rain, traffic and half-brain driving.I passed with flying colors ad wecdrove home.At first my driving was restricted to places i knew well and morning carpool. I began seeing a neuropsychologist and the crying stopped.Little did I know that I was headed back to rehab at N.R.but this time, I would be drivng myself. What does Tiktok say? Let's skip to the good part: During the lockdown, my left hand stated moving, itbstill doesnt do much and knocks things over often.God was showing His grace again. i can: drive with both hands cook...relatively speaking open doors hold a water bottel but spill because it squeezes so hard tutor walk jog...haha trot actually climb stairs almost at a run do a little dancey damce at home of course I can't type: forgibe the typos do my hair/ponytail support weight on myn arm walk in inthe dark walk my dog put my own jeans on by myself put on my bra normally... still over my head feel anything with myleft hand stand with my eyes closed and things that you think I can muntil I try and fail But it's been 5 years and I feel extraordinarily better Scriptures: be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” Joshua 1:9 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 (borrowed from a friend/) HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCOOT!

Will He Marry Her?

one of my favorite movies is a Christian film called Old Fashioned;written, and directed by Rick

 Swartzwelder, he was also the main character and totally handsome. If you haven't seen it, without

 spoiling it, the main character is a reformed Christian, having abandoned his wild ways; now has rules for

 himself to stay in check. It wasn't until recently when I ran into a young fella at the grocery store buying

 flowers for his girlfriend... "just because" did i understand the point. Dating teaches couples how to be 

good at dating. It in no way prepares you for the future, marrige or the changes that come with it. It is not 

the rule but the exception that picks up flowers ..... because. After you settle into marriage and the mystery 

has worn off, and it will! Regular life doesn't give you butterflies and tingles, at leeast not in the same 

way. It's not that the romance is gone, it just becomes more comfortable and changes. I cannot speak for 

anyone else, but when my husband cleans the kitchen or takes it upon himself to vacuum, I find that a 

romantic gesture. Sitting together in the evening with good music and a glass of wine beats a bar any 

day, even on Disco-hell night. There is a comfortable companionship that we share that was tingly and 

exciting when we were getting to know each other. Now, it makes me smile with ease and happiness, 

especially when one of "my songs" is playing. So, will he ask? Probably ,but don't rush. Take your time 

and enjoy being you before you rush to the altar. And know that your relationship changes 

immediately...in na bad way, just changes. Be prepared.

Dieting Forever

This morning with my coffee, i absentmindedly turned on an old episode of Friends. For those pf us, once skinny girls who are atill carrying arounf the after-effects of childbirth. This show is like a lemon in a paper cut. But today, while Chandler's tall girlfriend with perfect srms and a Scarlett O'Hara waist stood there. i was eating my diet breakfast and black coffee....yek, i relized that I am not chasing an adult thin nody, but the body of youth. Those arms and protrudung pelvic bones are really a natural look of youth, early twenties, pre-marriage, no children. So, i have to think, am i killing myself for something i have had and will never get back. Don't get me wrong. i have seen the lasdies that have a daughter's esdding coming up and hitthe gym;lose body mass, sport sleeveless shirts with her toned arms, and short swing dresses. i am not one of them and it is still not the body I have been chasing for eighteen years. My body has been through a lot to be sitting here today writing. I also work hard to love me as I am, because i am beautifully and wondserfully made...but I wasn't made like this it is more of a becoming. Still, the fact that this body is still wrking is a complete miracle. i havev put it through stage V cancer, two high risk pregnancies (one with twins), a severe stroke, and years of being autoimmune compromised. scleroderma/lupus. it is time that i embrace who and what I am. A fifty year old with three teenagers. i will continue to try an improve myself just not to look like a kid again.Now, i will shoot to lok like a fit me. Comparing myself to other people is not working for me. ***disclaimer*** I can onky type with one hand and tend to havetypos.

The Downfall of Intelligence

I  can already hear the boos if anyone ever reads this...The biggest mistake that I/we made with our boys was getting them cell phones in middle school...We thought waiting until they were 13 was a big deal...
I can remember my niece coming over to visit and help with the babies but the entire time,  every few seconds,ding. click, click, click.giggle, ding. Really? I would say... put that thing away!!

Fast forward to our teen years and now there are earbuds to boot! I detest seeing kids walking around with earbuds in or dangling around their necks... What"s worse, is now there aren't even wires and you talk to them for 5 minutes before you realize you have wasted your breath and you will never get those minutes of your life back.

We have really tried to make the best of this coronavirus  business and are eating together every night then watching a movie together. Good movies. I have had to collect cell phones. They are playing games and sending snap streaks.... which I now know are the stupidest things ever. My sister has decided to send me streaks and everyday sends me a snap of her leg, the fish hanging in the wall or the ceiling all with a hand drawn  S at the top...geesch!

I promise my gifted twins  have lost IQ points since getting a phone. One twin stays up all night now and is sleeping all day.  One kid leaves the house after lock up and can get a ride with the click of a few buttons.... and hes gone.   here is a big but to my arguement. I can get in touch with him. while he's out.

Still, I believe cellphones are making today's kids stupid, and it is bad for the world.  end rant.

Thoughts on Corona-cation

I really didn't think much about Covid-19 until about 2 weeks ago when a family friend and doctor messaged my husband to make sure he had a plan for me should I or one of the kids get sick. "I am immuno-deficient. Scleroderma/Lupus since 19 years old. So since that text, I have been on lock-down at home. Permitted only to go visit my parents also locked in at home. My house from here on out, is not the hangout!!!

The boys are harder to lock down. They have hung out with a few friends in the neighborhood in the front yard. Then they try to stay 6 feet away from me, bathe, It is a struggle when other aren't as concerned. Truthfully, if you are a healthy person and contract the disease, you should recover fine. but for those like me who have to be extra careful, must have their kids be extra c  areful too....no criticism to anyone is intended. Containing my oldest has been alost impossible. He oes fishing. Picks up food and sits in the car with friends to eat and talk...I do try to stay 6 feet from him since he won't listen... but its hard. I like a big hug from my kids everyday!

homeschooling 14 & 16 year olds has been ok. They get up work on the computer, finish their work and then are free to clean something if they are bored, They are all already autonomous learners. My students used to love computer days when they had more autonomy. I also felt those days would help prepare the kids for middle school, which i truly believe it did.if you are homeschooling little ones or the first time,  don't fr tget to take brain breaks Try GoNoodle... its on youtube  i think.

I need to move more. My hobbies include blogging, painting, netflix binging, and reading... all things done whjle sitting in your butt.....not good

Well, i am going to paint... happy wishes of good health and sanity! until next time... goodbye and stay well

Welll, What should I Do?

Last year, almost exactly a year ago, about  45v minutes after arriving home from work, I teach fifth grade. I suffered a massive , right, temporal stroke at 45 years old. It wasashock to us all! I have brief snippets of what I remember, or think I remember.But the next 3-5 days were spent in the ICU with friends and family conning to check on me. I was paralyzed on my left side and had left side neglect .. if you stood on the left sid e of my bed, I could not see you sad barely hear you. I remember being agitated ut my mother assured me tharsomeone had called the school and a sub would be found for my class, oh shoot, id left my desk messy! and had brought everything home with me. when can I go back, I wanted to know.."Probably never, the dr said.:WHAT????I was having a really bad day< and now they want me to stand on my leg that I cannot feel, much less move!

I have been in extensive therapy since that night. Two or three weeks int my hospital stay, they transported me to a rehabilitation hospital.I really wanted to go home t my twin 6th graders and my 8th graders   who I knew had been with me throughout the stroke at home, oh lawd, what did he see? 

the news is good, I lived through the night; and I =can see, walk, talk and move my left arm although my hand doesn't work and both arm and hand have no function. I am slow and I know it. I move clumsily and slowly, but I got my driver's license back in late June, 9 months later.


I Haven't returned to work though. although I am doing very well. I have not finished healing and I am still in therapy.

So, in August when every one that I know was going back to school, 
I was home. There was no classroom to decorate, no class list for me, I have not felt this purposeless in a Long, long tine. But I have purpose! Teach, yes, but always mother first..
The boys don't seem to need much from me other than a ride and money. So this stay at hone mom stuff when no one is home STINKS. I find myself checking the clock and thinking, math just ended....oh geez, I need to sit-down.If I thought I could make it through the day, I would go back.I miss the kids and my teacher friends, interaction with people.. I taught at one school for 18 years!!! Now, I feel like I need to start over somewhere else if I go back,because I am not the same and never will be.  so what do I do?