Talking But none Hears Me

 

i have a point and purpose,

in all that I  say and do,

Whether or not you realize,

It matters wha`t I say and do,

My message has a purpose, i don't talk out  `Of unprofitable vain

Even though the  reception from you is always the same.

i learned life the hard way, the results are all my own,

That diean;t meantour results won'y hit untiul you are grow,

There is no escaping genetics, your future is surely passed down,

If only you would listen, i can maybe lessen the effect and the drowning in,

discomfort, pain, and self -blame. knowing that listrwning comes from kowing that listening ciyuld hsave lessened the claim,

that rhis has on your body, your life, 

your future, yur spouse, and eventually your wife.

love,

your Mom

Up in my Feels... Again

     Well,  It is Master’s week again. My least favorite week of the year.

I stay home, John goes to the course, at least I used to stay home with the kids… They're all grown men now and live away.. Perhaps I will read another book, work on my tan. Feed my gummy bear habit.. I only share this information because
I am confident that no one ever reads what I write on here., except occasionally James…..Hi James!

A memory popped up on my FB feed of a post I wrote about wanting to do better about being in touch with my old friends after William died.  I recently ran into an old friend and I realized I haven’t done any better at  staying in touch with old friends and people  who have a special place in my heart.

I really hate when I get up in my feels!   But the twins leave again tomorrow, It’s always an “ick” day right before they leave again.   I miss my babies!
I’d give anything to have them back., i know they are exactly where they should be doing what comes next for them , and are living their best lives. My heart still hurts.

So, back to the original topic, if we were good friends and lost touch, I am thinking about you and wishing you well;;. Hell, maybe one day we will actually have an ARC  c/o 990  class reunion…. But probably we won’t. I hope we have one before I die!

Besides, we all know I'm the next to go!

The Pity Party was Today

          I wonder why when I am knee deep in busy and  exhausted, I am having the best time of

 my life.The slow pace of life that I’ve found myself in these days is horribly unsatisfying and, 

scary. The quiet  surrounds me like a grave and my busy brain reaches to places it has never 

traveled; and doesn’t need to now. Filling my time is stressful. I  no longer feel I have a place 

 in this world; i no longer fit. My puzzle, which has been vibrant, and perfect for many

 years, has lost essential pieces that make my world complete.

        I am a survivor, of many things, but I do not feel strong right now. i know it will return, 

because The Lord(God) is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble. 

With God, nothing is impossible. I feel confidently that this is just one more thing to survive.

       Being am avid watcher of college football, i hear and. Despise  the word adversity a lot. 

To quote my son at seven years old, “Geesch, they think that is diversity? Diversity is. When 

you are stuck under a rock and have to chew our own eg off to get free.” I feel in touch 

recently with his definition of adversity.

          Normally, i don’t allow a pity party for myself , but today i was n pain and succumbed 

to it . Don’t judge me too harshly for it.

 Pity Party for Tara:

 Table of one.